Postulo of a Vita- The Measure of a Life

As of late I have found myself questioning how one goes about measuring a life.  Do you measure it in feet, good deeds, worldly success, ones faith or the legacy one leaves behind?  Except for the feet part, I have come to the rationale that it is most probably a combination of all the above and then some.  There are some who might even contest the very idea of quantifying life but I believe most, like myself, would like to consider that there is some value to be placed upon our time here on earth.  So then the question remains, exactly how does one go about measuring a life?  Society has been asking this question since before Socrates and will probably go on asking this question until the very end of time itself.  However for reasons of my own sanity I am going to attempt to measure my own life as a leader and as conscientious citizen.  Socrates would consider this a noble effort indeed as he himself claimed that “the unexamined life is not worth living.” After a brief bit of personal and work history I will attempt to use the frames of Optimism and Hardiness with which to examine my leadership and legacy.  Therefore, let the measuring of a life begin.

I have chosen to delete my previous writings and will come back to this topic again soon with some new thoughts :) thx 4 your patience 

heu sacer pectoris - Oh Sacred Heart

Well I have been hospitalized @ Sacred Heart since the 22nd of November with a brief 24 hrs of that time at home before I had to return.  Since I have been suffering from some crazy hypoglycemic episodes they felt it best to keep me for observations and tests.  Those tests of course have been feeling a little medieval since for the first 24 hrs I was getting my finger pricked for blood glucose readings and then blood drawn every two, now it's just blood draws every two hours for an indefinite time.  My pastor and his family came for a visit and it was almost comical how fast he and his sons made a beeline for the door when the needles came out, but it was nice to pray with him and his family and all the other disciples from church who are making it up here to visit me.  My boys and I skype  and they make it up as often as possible. My gal pal Angela helped me pay bills 2day and Christie and Chris are making sure the boys don't starve and have some place to go when they get bored.  Tina and Chris had the entire staff in stitches of laughter when they brought me up the hill, last week and the nurses wanted to know if they would be interested in sticking around just to keep everybody's mood light.  So I have taken to call all the blood drawers Vampires and they love it.  I have had the nicest nurses and hospital staff anyone could ask for, the doctors aren't too bad either, I just get a little frustrated when the simulated tests don't go as planned.  Being on no food or drink for almost 72 hrs now probably isn't helping my mood.  They promised tomorrow if I don't hit the magic numbers they are looking for then I can go back to a normal diet, in retrospect I am not sure that's a good thing or not as hospital food is not exactly known for it's palidity (not sure that's a word but it sounded good, lol).  Well I shall sign off for now as I am getting pretty sleepy and nauseated staring at this screen.  I hope and pray this blog finds you all in a good place and that you all had the most wonderful Thanksgiving. Let's chat again soon...

Salve - Hello

I know it has been forever since I have written but so much has happened since I last wrote that I thought it was about time to share again.  Surgery went well and they were able to repair my broken ducts so that bile could stop pouring through my body, I have begun helping some friends to open a new business called Turning Point Mental Health Services (more about that later), Kevin has joined the working world and will soon be moving out and Alex has applied to G-Prep.  Wow that's alot and believe it or not there is still tons more which has been going on but the best part is that my relationship with my Heavenly Father just continues to grow and He continually showers me with many blessings.  I am truly loving working with the single-mom's ministry at church and of course am loving my newest class @ Gonzaga.  Business Psychology for the Leader, it is completely fascinating and I am currently working on a Psycho-analytical biography of Helen Keller as a leader.  What an amazing woman and optimist, her life truly gives me encouragement and hope.  I was able to attend the Women of Faith Conference last month and that too was like everlasting water for a parched and dry soul.  I have recently made contact with a friend from my childhood and it was so much fun re-connecting.  Going through her friends list was like a who's who from my past.  I look forward to beginning the friendship anew...now back to Turning Point.  I am truly blessed to be able to be in a position to help these three courageous Eastern Washington graduates begin a new and arduous journey of being business owners and counselors.  I will be given the chance to do some teaching myself in the areas of single parenting and chronic illness, help with networking and marketing as well as to give back to the community who did so much to welcome and take care of the boys and I when we were in desperate need.  How awesome is that!  With two of my best friends I am currently reading a chronological Bible everyday in hopes of examining the scriptures together on a more consistent basis and also to set a good example for my boys and others.  My great grandmother Mamo, long before there were handy tools, read the entire Bible through every year since she was a young woman herself and it inspired me to begin that tradition which will hopefully be a long standing tradition for my family and myself for many years and generations to come.  I am currently feeling pretty good physically.  As usual with this illness, I have good and bad days and the only time it get's me down too much is when there are too many consecutive bad days which luckily up to this point is not too often. I have slowly begun to walk again on a more consistent basis and have begun to track my daily food intake again but have to admit that going back into the gym seems a pretty big mountain to climb.  So please keep it in your prayers that I can tackle that climb soon so that I can once again begin to lose the weight which is needed for successful placement on the transplant list.  As Helen Keller so eloquently puts it, although the world is full of those suffering it is also full of those overcoming it...Make it a great day and I truly hope to chat with you all again very soon...

Continued Faith Alongside of Frustration

This past few weeks has truly required my faith but many times I have found myself beyond frustrated.  I haven't been able to go to the gym and only been able to get in a few short walks this past week.  I have been suffering through the longest and most irritating kidney infection which saps me of all motivation.  School is getting ready to start up in a couple of weeks and I will need all I have to accomplish grades and parenting once again.  I have an upcoming surgery the first week of school and a doctors appointment finally with a urology specialist this Friday.  With all the budget cuts it is harder and harder to be a chronically ill patient on state medical aid.  I can't believe how many medications and specialists are no longer available, making it difficult to get the care I seem to need.  The good part of this last few weeks is that I have not gained any of my weight back of this initial 30 I have lost.  Amazing!  I have missed out on much socializing but the longer I have been away, more are beginning to realize that they will just have to come to me.  I was blessed with getting to sit in on a new single mom's study this past Monday and I shall pray for Julie's continued growth and hopefully for her baptism soon.  The boys seem to be doing well but I know whether they will admit it or not out loud, this past few weeks has been difficult for them as well.  I know it is hard for them to see me struggle like this but as usual they handle it with such grace and patience which belies their youth. Thank you to all those who have had me in their prayers recently it has been so encouraging to know that you are all wishing me well and very much appreciated.  Till we meet again as I've heard it said in a favorite Irish Blessing of mine, may God continue to hold you in the Palm of His hand and care for you, may His face shine upon you and give you peace...

Ultimate Tripudium - Ultimate Joy!

Isaiah 3:10 says to "tell the righteous it will be well with them, for they will enjoy the fruit of their deeds."  I am beginning to find joy in the gym.  Not necessarily in the actual going to and from but in the little accomplishments like making it 10 miles today on the bike or reducing the number of strokes it took me to cross the pool from 28 to 26 or burning 400 calories today on the treadmill.  Of course once I got home and partook of some sustenance I promptly fell asleep for almost two hours but it doesn't negate all that I accomplished this morning and in that I can find Joy!  It was also nice to spend some time in the Word this afternoon refreshing my spirit and once again finding a reason to keep moving literally and figuratively.  I have begun to realize finally after 40 years that my joy does not come from things or other people, rather from a personal knowledge and commitment to my Heavenly Father.  In Ecclesiastes where the author is often thought to be Solomon, he writes that everything God does will endure forever and that nothing can be added to or taken from it (ch 3 vs 14) As I am taking care of this temple that God has given to me and remembering to commune with Him daily I am reminded of the lack of permanence in the things of this world and at the same time the consistency and wealth of my Lord's Love which brings me such Joy.  So tonight I will head up to the gym again so that I can continue to kick this body back into shape and attempt to find some joy in the tortuous speed at which Kris will push me to accomplish running up and down steps or rowing or whatever exercise he has planned and then come home, kiss my young men goodnight and rise to do it all again tomorrow.  Thanks to those of you who are joining me on walks and giving me encouragement it is much needed.  I am so very close to making the 30 lb lost mark and hope to cross that threshold soon so please keep in touch and remember our Ultimate Joy is found in the enduring Love of God and all He has created!  

Redemptio-Redemption

Tonight was so amazing.  I am part of the most amazing ecumenical group of women and we are reading this book called "The Will of God as a Way of Life." And tonight's chapter was on redemption.  It was so great to hear these women openly sharing about their pasts, heartbreaks, family issues and the like.  And not in a depressing  victimized sense but a healthy way.  Speaking with forgiveness, humility and courage.  It was soothing to my soul and encouraging to my heart.  I also had my longest workout to date.  3 1/2 hrs.  I see the liver specialist next Thursday and so I think I am pretty focused on getting off as much weight as possible so that I can be ready to go to Seattle if that is in the plans of my Heavenly Father.  We had a nice 4th of July celebration with friends from church and Kevin's 18th birthday celebration lasted almost a whole week.  I have been so happy to have both boys home from camp and even more excited that my youngest Alex has decided to begin studies to become a disciple.  God is so amazing how he works because although all three of us have many reasons to be considered victims, God is using our past to share redemption with each other and all whom we choose to share our stories with.  Although I am terminally sick I am blessed with each moment of this journey and so glad that my mind, and heart have been opened to see the blessings all around me. 

Mental & Spiritual Vulnerability

So I know it's been a little while since I put up a new post but life has been pretty busy.  First I had to do battle with a pretty nasty cold, then I had to get back into my workout routine and then send the boys off to camp.  One as a camper and one a counselor.  It's been a weird week because its been a long time since I had to get out of bed just for myself.  Monday took some serious mental games but my desire not to miss out on my now traditional workout finally won out. I then had dinner with Christie and her parents and then went and spent the rest of the evening with my long time friend Tina chatting long hours into the night.  I have watched 6 movies since the boys have been gone, some good, some not so good,  I have finished reading Acts and now am going to turn my attention to some further inner reflecting.  I have found that I don't know where my value lies and if I have any value outside that of my past.  I know this may sound crazy to some of you but I've always been the girl with the past and how she overcame it and I find myself wanting to be more than that.  I want to be healthy and fresh and new and yet loved and respected all the same.  I know my heavenly Father loves me and cherishes me but now I want to love myself too, which will be a whole new experience for me. I am trying to take some of that advice of Henry David Thoreau's and create some new mental and spiritual paths by not only meditating on God's Word but on everything I can get my hands on that is positive and healthy, whether it pertains to diet, physical fitness, health, faith, my soul...you name it.  If you would like to join me on this particular part of the journey then lets share reading lists, favorite quotes, healthy activities or recipes.  I will share with you and hopefully you will share with me and together we will find value not only in ourselves but in our relationship with God and each other.  I can't wait to hear from you...

Resumo Fides

Renewed Faith and Hope!  Today was my first day back walking after a week of being down and out in the bed sick with a nasty cold.  I was able to accomplish 2 miles in about 30 minutes so kept a pretty good pace but was definitely tired upon reaching the porch.  As I passed by one of my favorite houses in the neighborhood I was reminded of the tired old house's transformation from decrepit to new paint, windows, new sod and a beautiful wrought iron fence.  It positively sparkles with newness and renewed life.  I too need a transformation and am in the midst of renovations.  So far I have lost almost 20 pounds and the first goal is to have 81 off by the end of August.  Then over the next 8 months to lose another 100 lbs.  I know it is ambitious but necessary.  I have the most amazing people on my team cheering me on and can't wait to get back in the pool tomorrow.  My eating truly seems to be finally in balance so that although all I could do last week was to watch what crossed my lips, I was still able to lose a couple of pounds.  One of my friends had a birthday and she gave out wishes to all of us in her bible study group and mine said "In the face of uncertainty and obstacles, I wish you courage."  I gratefully accepted her well wishes and plan to use lots of courage this week to continue to not only get out of bed but to continue having success in my physical transformation so that just like that old house I shall be sparkling with renewed energy and health.  

Excellentia

If as the great philosopher Aristotle says "we are what we repeatedly do" and that excellence is a choice than that is what I have chosen this week.  I did not necessarily do it with great glory but I did choose to exercise every day this past week.  I seem to be struggling with the balance of eating enough so that my body doesn't go into starvation mode and when I need to cut back or really pay attention to portion control.  I only lost a couple of more pounds this last week which after last weeks initial 10 was disappointing to say the least.  This new balancing act is frustrating and my bum left knee is beginning to pain me beyond belief.  Don't worry I will not give up but as I previously stated this has been a rough week.  By Friday I was trying to remind myself that if good is not a substitute for great than I would really need to push myself in these last two workouts of the week.  So I began to give myself some goals on the bike and in the pool. Like try to make five miles instead of four on the bike and swim the length of the pool in thirty strokes or less.  It seemed to help because Friday and Saturday's workouts were much more fulfilling. So I shall continue to strive for excellence with each workout and with each morsel of food which crosses my lips and I hope you will too...  

sedecim dies of mensis

On this sixth day of the month it was most definitely a Monday.  I had the most difficult time getting motivated and all day long I felt like I was in a battle.  It didn't stop me from exercising but they were lackluster workouts. However I guess the good thing out of all this is I didn't stop even during the last excruciating moments of cycling or when I felt my knee begin to give out on the way home.  Today was probably not my finest hour eating wise as I lazily partook of some left over pizza past my 7:30 P.M. deadline.  But at least all my sugars have been good and I am not giving in to temptation with any kind of consistency.  Kris has been amazing sitting and talking with me as I struggle and pushing me in the most positive ways.  I know that it all comes down to me though and my willingness to continue on this healthy journey.  When you next see me ask me if I have started my goal board yet.  This is next on my list and I have been putting it off.  Not exactly sure why except that by putting actual concrete goals up on a board where others can see it makes it truly real and it comes with expectations other than those in my mind.  And don't forget that Tuesday's and Thursday's are relatively open for walks with others so let's schedule a walking date...

Who is my strength

Pretty rough day emotionally.  I wish my body could do all that my mind thinks that it should be capable of.  I keep reminding myself that my body is like a wall that must be rebuilt and that I can't do that without the help of my loving Father.  I was reading in Nehemiah 4:6 where the people were having to rebuild the walls of their town for protection and was reminded that in a way I am doing the same thing with my spiritual and physical self as protection from Satan and those who would tare me down.  Just as for the Israelite's God is posting help along my tenements, Kris my trainer, Tawana and Tina, friends following my story, my sons, Dan and Ken Bubb who continue to give me encouragement in so many ways, all those praying for me on this journey and so many more that I can't mention them all.  Nehemiah 4:13-23 tells me I have no need to be afraid as I daily return with my friends and loved ones to work on the new healthy walls and that in so doing I am equipping myself with the best tools to be a physically and spiritually healthy disciple. In this way I can have JOY in the face of opposition.  This new part of the journey is proving difficult but I know as I press ever onward and keep myself fixated on the long term benefits and joys I will be rewarded not just physically but mentally and in my spirit.  Tomorrow its back to a pretty intensive workout.  I have the goal of losing another 10 lbs this week so if you see me in passing please spur me on with encouragement and maybe we could even go for a walk together.  Love you all and hope you choose to make it a good week...

Novus Sanus Consuetudo habeo - I have New Healthy Habits

So this makes it three days in a row, only four more to officially make it a habit, at least that's what they tell me.  Do something for at least seven times and then it will become as a habit.  As hard as it was to get out of bed this morning it was just as amazing to still be able to workout. The muscles loosened and warmed up and I was able to accomplish all of my goals even shaving off a minute of my walk home.  I will admit that I had to take a two hour nap this afternoon as exhaustion from this new healthy lifestyle was beginning to catch up with me.  This new book I am reading is truly helping me to continue in my spiritual goals of being exquisitely conscious, especially with regards to the Will of God.  Discipline in today's society is not a good thing but as I let my heavenly Father not only have more control but become the center of all my life, I am truly becoming free.  Order is being restored, less chaos and a peace which pervades all I do.  Isaiah 40:8 "The grass withers, the flowers fade but the Word of our God stands forever."  This verse and many others in my personal studies are helping me to be reassured that God is always with me especially as I spend time pursuing a relationship with Him.  God is my comfort in difficult times.  A loving father who never forgets to discipline me nor to shower me with His Love.  "God lays claim to us and plans to transform us until we become the creatures He always intended us to be." Jerry Sittser, The Will of God as a Way of Life  This is just another piece of the transformation in which God is molding me with these new healthy habits so that I can become all that God has intended for me, whether that be here on earth or in the heavenly realms. 

Joyful Exhaustion Part II

OK so made it through the second day of temporary insanity, except that you and I know that if I want to get on this transplant list, this is not temporary.  So Kris came over this morning and pushed me to the limit with a pretty high impact cardio workout, then with a few minutes of a break we walked up to Gonzaga (1.25 miles away).  Then I rode the bicycle for 20 minutes, I was supposed to be on for 30 but my left knee just about gave out so not wanting to feel like I had failed I hopped onto the treadmill for the last 10 minutes.  Then it was off to the locker room to get changed into a suit and hit the pool for an hour of activity in the water.  I say activity because it's not like I have the stamina yet or skill to do laps for an hour.  But for one hour I kept moving constantly whether it was laps, water walking or simply treading water.  Then came one of the hardest moments of my day.  I had to go back into the locker room and attempt to get my ridiculously overweight body out of a wet shirt and bathing suit, shower in this tiny stall and all the while pray no one was looking at me.  Sneak into the bathroom stall to futilely attempt to put on my undergarments on a hastily dried body and I just about lost it.  Tears were forming because I was so ashamed that it was almost more difficult to redress myself than to workout.  Somehow I made it through and proceeded to walk back home (1.25 miles) and I did it in 22 minutes which is a pretty good pace for me.  It hurt to chew the bagel and peanut-butter, every muscle in my body was aching.  Downed a couple ibuprofen, took a twenty minute catnap and then had to pick up, get some bible study in and begin dinner, which by the way was excellent.  I then had to call the police and report my friend Joan Zarns as a missing person.  I haven't really let myself stop and think about all the ramifications.  All I seem to be able to do is pray that she is somehow OK.  Please if you think of her, say a little prayer for her well-being.  Tomorrow will be day three of this new healthy lifestyle and I pray I am up for it.  Goodnight all...     

Joyful Exhaustion

OK I am officially too tired to even attempt Latin or anything that would require me to move off of all these rice bags for any length of time.  Kris came over for an early morning pep talk and then it was time to get started.  So it was a one hour walk and a stop in at the Gonzaga gym to finalize membership.  Then it was Bob and Jillian's 30 minute cardio, lunch and attempting to get Kev enrolled at SCC.  Finishing off the workouts with 30 minutes of Boot Camp.  Did good with my caloric intake and water then collapsed onto the couch with 3 rice bags and two ibuprofen.  My mantra for the day was achieving is believing.  If I could just not stop putting one foot in front of the other or doing one more lunge or dumbbell kickback then I could begin to achieve this monumental goal Kris and I came up with this morning.  So after watching Extreme Makeover - Weight Loss last night, Kris and I began preparing for me to attempt to lose 181 lbs.  I know this is ambitious but I know that if I stay focused and keep my emotional state in check I can achieve this.  So as I sign off and try to get some rest before I have to get up and do it all again tomorrow plus an hour in the pool, I will challenge all of you to make some ambitious goals and then go out and start achieving them for yourselves.  If you would like to get together for a walk or healthy meal, let me know.  Love you all and promise to check in again soon... 

Carpe Nova Spero

Back to the Latin, mostly because its fun and challenging.  So now after my walk today I was inspired to write about seizing a New Hope.  Not as in Star Wars (cool movie but not what I am referring to at this point).  On my walk I was truly energized by the smells of the freshly cut grass, the blooming flowers, the chirping of the birds and the beautiful leafy green trees.  I also had my i-pod plugged in streaming Celtic Women, Sara Evans Billy Joel and Mercy Me (yes I am a bit eclectic) all energizing me to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  However what was truly illuminating was when I happened to look over at this one particular Oak tree and I was reminded of the Tree of Life in the Garden of Eden.  I couldn't help but think of how beautiful, majestic and comforting trees are. When I was young I used to shimmy up the trunk of a tree to get away from the neighborhood dog or bully, to run away from my parents, to feel like I could see the whole world from the heights of the boughs.  Now that I am older they provide shade and a make for a great backrest as I enjoy a favorite book.  They are also such a pleasure to look at in all seasons.  Trees have roots that run deep and thus are strong and mighty and by their sheer number of years seem full of wisdom and experience. A tree is a fortress and a shelter, a  symbol of peace, prosperity and knowledge.  I am so grateful in this time of illness and goals, diabetes and trying to care for my growing young men that I can go on a walk and be so comforted by the sight of a Tree.  God you truly are amazing and I am eternally grateful and shall continue to seize onto any bit of new hope I can find.  Tomorrow I head up to Gonzaga to pay the fee for graduate students to use the gym throughout the summer and Kris is coming by in the morning to spend some time motivating and working with me.  Then my SOL sisters are coming by for a devotional.  Kevin and I will also be heading up to SCC to finish getting him enrolled and scheduled for his math placement test.  Wow tomorrow shall truly be busy, I hope I am up for the tasks...

Carpe Diem

So now it's time to Seize the Day!  I've made it four days in a row walking my 20 minute mile.  I think the part I am having the hardest time with is how exhausted I am after just a simple walk but Kris and Kevin keep insisting it will get easier.  Today I went and picked up the schedule for the pool at Gonzaga and it's only gonna cost $30.00 for the summer as a grad student.  The plan is to next week be in the pool 3 days a week and then still keeping up with the mile walk at least 5 days a week.  Kris advised me to give up all soda, even diet.  This has been hard and honestly drinking a gallon of water a day is like pouring gasoline down my throat on a consistent basis but if it helps me get a transplant than that's what I will do.  No more destructive eating, no more being scared it's time for some serious Carpe Diem!  I encourage you to share with me in this journey, share with me your own hang-up's and your success stories or little tricks you tried to help you along the way.  So let's get to posting my friends.  Speak to me, share with me and pray for me and don't forget to Carpe Diem for yourself!

Counting My Blessings

     Don't worry if you've enjoyed the mini  Latin lessons thus far as I will come back to them but tonight in my sleeplessness the Latin words were not flowing so my English mode of communication will have to suffice.  As this week is rapidly coming to an end I have so very much to be grateful for.  In about 72 hours my "little man" will be doing me the great honor of graduating from Gonzaga Preparatory High School.  It won't be with the best grades or exactly how I would have imagined but he will walk across that stage and celebrate the closing of one of the first big seasonal stages of his life.  As you and I know this is just the beginning for him.  Now will come some of the toughest and yet fun opportunities for him as a young adult.  His brother and I are both a little nervous about exactly what this will mean for us but with God's grace and mercy, we will hopefully just be drawn closer to one another as mother and son.  Kevin will most likely not be moving out until right before he begins his college classes in the Fall so this will be a bittersweet summer filled with lots of lasts with Kevin and firsts with just Alex and myself.
     Also in case you haven't heard I recently got a trainer and have embarked on the ambitious goal of trying to lose over 100 pounds.  Since January I have been working with a counselor on all the emotional reasons why I carry my weight around like a cherished security blanket and most recently added a nutritionist to my health care team so we could begin to work on the diabetic side of my poor health.  The trainer was the next obvious step on this journey.  To ensure a spot on the transplant list when the time comes I must have a BMI of 40 or lower so with my M.E.L.D. score numbers jumping so significantly over the past 90 days I truly need to kick the weight loss into high gear.  I am asking those close to me to pray for strength and perseverance throughout this next step as it will not be an easy one.  I am learning constantly through this chronic illness, that this part of my journey is an opportunity to become exquisitely conscious.  I am learning to be fully aware of my body as well as fully present in my spirit, what a blessing!

Amare-to love

So currently I am writing a response to what is the meaning of love and I was reminded of one of my long standing friendships.  I thought I would share the essay with you because just writing it lifted my spirits as I hope it will yours...

I was recently doing some scrap-booking when a thought came to me, my friend Angela really must love me.  She is not only there for me and my sons in the bad times but all the good and precious moments as well.  My sons and I moved to Washington seven years ago now.  We came here as victims and looking for a new start. Upon enrolling in some classes at the local community college, I approached Angela in the crowded campus cafeteria.  There were no seats to be had and I really needed to grab something to eat and study for my next few classes.  Angela just seemed approachable and she shyly agreed to let me share her table.  For the next few weeks this quiet sharing of a study space became routine.  Slowly we learned each others names, talked about our children and what classes we were taking.  It was a budding relationship and it was most welcome to my fragile state of mind.  Life had not really shown me that there were people I could trust at least not on any kind of consistent basis.  Her love was something that came as a bit of a surprise and not loudly or overwhelmingly but sweetly slow and smooth.

In the past seven years we have laughed, cried, joked while suffering the effects of air crack late into the night, shopped until we have literally dropped, read books together, seen too many movies to even count or list, been baptized in the same church and graduated from college as what we fondly refer to as Non-Traditional Students.  Our sons have grown up together as well, playing sports, dealing with the effects of ADHD, going to our local swimming pools and amusement parks together every summer and even celebrating birthdays together.  Our relationship even survived Angela getting married last year.  I have to admit that I wasn’t sure I would still have as important a place within her life as she was undergoing a new stage within her own life. Boy was I ever wrong about that.  Her new husband and I have since become friends and he is a great example to my sons of how a man really can become a great step-father.  Angela and I have, if anything become closer in our love for one another.

About two and half years ago I was diagnosed with primary bilary cirrhosis and our relationship was once again tested.  Even when I would have chosen to pull back to protect her and my boys she never allowed me to do that for too long.  Angela is constantly available to me for doctor appointments, to give my boys rides when I am too sick to get behind the wheel of my car, to prepare meals and even to just sit and watch some T.V because that’s all I have the energy for that day.  As I get sicker her love only continues to grow and I know that my boys shall continue to benefit from her love even if God sees fit to take me before I get to sit in our proverbial rocking chairs with her as we turn 80.  Angela helps me to continue to dream and live each day for the precious moments that we are blessed with.  I thank God and Angela for helping me to maintain a positive attitude throughout some pretty tumultuous times.  I know love because of Angela’s unconditional and everlasting friendship and my life is truly blessed for having such a loving relationship.  Life is not about the destination but rather the journey which shows us that love truly exists even when it comes in the trappings of a friendship which we were never expecting or believing was even possible.  Thank you my dear friend, I will love you always and forever…

Carpe Aestatem - Seize the Summer!

I bet your wondering what's up with all this Latin...can't seem to help myself as it seems to be around me all the time lately and today I began following Gonzaga on my twitter account and this was one of their tweets, I loved it! Also with the beautiful weather today I couldn't help but to seize onto the ideas of Summer...Oh sigh, the liquid joy streaming through my front window and the sounds of the little sparrows chirping and someone mowing their lawn, all while I lay fatigued on the couch fighting off yet another kidney infection.  God knew I could use the seasonal pick-me-up!  From the bottom of my heart God, Thank You!  It also reminded me of one of my writing responses to the popular song Seasons of Love and so I thought I would share, hope you enjoy...

The Measure of a Woman of Christ

If there are 525,600 minutes in a year than

How do you measure your life as a

Woman of Christ?

Do you measure in hours, feet, miles or love?

 Do you measure in anger, frustration, rage or mercy?

Do you measure in depression, bitterness, guilt or forgiveness?

Do you measure in fear, anxiety, timidity or faith?

Do you measure in pessimism, negativity, denial or hope?

Do you measure in selfishness, loneliness, vanity or  servant-hood?  

Do you carry baggage, extra luggage, burdens or the easy yoke of Christ?

My prayers for each and everyone of you is that you will use your

525,600 minutes this year as Women of Christ to 

Seek Him Constantly, Serve Him Faithfully and Share Him Boldly.

Then you will be a woman who truly

Reflects the Heart of Christ!

P.S. if you are one of my male friends, prof's or brothers you can just put in being a man/brother reflecting the Heart of Christ, kinda like taking a look at the man in the mirror.  Whoever you are reading this know I care about you and want you to know the Love of Christ as I do, so go out and  Carpe Aestatem!

Just in case you don't recognize Latin when you see it...Carpe Spero means to  Seize the Hope, which is an everlasting and eternal choice we can make on a daily basis.  It is also one I choose to seize constantly.  I renew it every morning with my faith and my unconditional love which I share with my family, friends and all those who cross my path.  As one of many thousands who is currently waiting to get onto the national transplant list I have found hope to be a constant companion and one which brings me comfort.  It's hard to believe that it has been three years now since I was delivered the news that my liver was cirrhotic and that eventually I would need a transplant.  For the first two years there were little to no real complications, mostly just a lot of hurry up and wait and constant monitoring through blood-work and scans. However this last year, I have been in and out of the hospital at least ten times already.  My kidneys, more than my liver have been giving me the hardest time.  Cysts, stones, tract infections and now I am injecting myself with insulin on a nightly basis.  I have been told this is all just part of the journey to a transplant.  So I continue to engage in Carpe Spero and as we chat with each other more I will hopefully encourage you to do so as well.  I hope also that this blog will be a way for me to continue to fellowship with those close to me who wish to follow my story and help me in this endeavor to get a transplant.  So here's to many more blogs to follow...