Carpe Spero - Reloaded

OK so here I am still writing, still living and now I am going to reload my hearts desire and keep trying to Carpe Spero (seize the hope)! I love that God let's us have the "do over" every day...

Stay focused on the prize. This busy world can cause many people confusion, and it will cause many to lose focus, start on some things, and only finish a select few things by the time the opportunities they have are pretty much deflated and irrelevant. One of the hugest lessons we should all commit to learning in life is to always keep the main thing, and our main dreams as our main focus until we are finished with them!

Let go of the distractions you have in life. Distractions can come in the form of people, hobbies, objects, and also in many other varieties. We must know for ourselves what is most important, and what will take away from our lives, instead of adding to it. These things are things that we must proactively try to rid ourselves of at all times possible. Your mission isn't to keep everyone around you satisfied, your mission is to stay focused and work harder everyday to reach your dreams.

the above was from searchquotes.com and below is my caveat

My first and foremost focus is GOD O:), but after that it has always been my sons or my family or friends or work and now I am searching for what should be first after God and I am realizing that if my health isn't a top priority then I may not be around to have or pursue any of the other priorities in my so called life...and by health I don't just mean my physical body (although that is important especially in regards to getting on the transplant list) but my mental and emotional health as well. If these things are not in harmony/balance then we cannot pursue anything else...whether it be a worthy goal or not ;)  So as for me and my house we will most definitely Serve the LORD, take care of my temple (my heart, soul, mind and body) and then for now it's all still up in the air and we shall just have to wait and see...

PERICULOSUS- To Be Vulnerable

My good friend Tina suggested I do some journaling...so this is me taking that advice to heart. I am about to be extremely vulnerable and I ask that you will please take care with what I am about to reveal and please know that these words are shared so that if you too have been hurt or struggle with emotional eating, abuse, loneliness, fear and I am sure the list could go on for some time as so much is based in fear. Many of you know that I have recently been challenged to lose 100#'s and I not only took this challenge seriously I have embarked on this journey with about 40 other folks. I can't help myself sometimes...I believe that if I am struggling with something there must be someone out there who is as well...it's my way of battling the enemy, Satan, who is constantly trying to get me believe I am all alone. This 100# Challenge was nothing short of one of the hugest leaps of faith for me but here I am in the 2nd week, down -8.8#'s and feeling hopeful and yet terrified all in the same breath. As an extrovert folks seems to have the impression that I simply love people, get along with everyone I meet and life is one BIG, Happy Party. The BIG secret is I am shaking in my boots and the bold confidence which you think you see is a mask, a shield if you will, to protect me. From what you ask? Possibly you or anyone else who will most likely hurt me. There I have said it...I live in FEAR! Some of it is unfortunately based on hard, cruel  facts but most, if I'm honest has unrealistically built up over many years. My weight has become the security blanket that is now literally and figuratively killing me.

Physically I suffer from diabetes and am currently insulin dependent. I have two underlying causes for my Chronic Liver disease, primary biliary cirrhosis and Non-Alcoholic Stetohepatitis. Diabetic Gastopareses-slow intestinal tract alongside of Hepatic Encephalopathy which effects my memory, causes fatigue and emulates early onset  dementia and if not kept stable can send me suddenly, with little to no warning into a coma.

Figuratively, I am afraid of others, especially men. I am unsure of who I can trust and therefor often feel lonely or heartbroken. At times I am ready to leave this earthly realm but I ask you not to panic at my honest words. I have no intention of harming myself, I am simply tired and in need of a little rest, tender love and care and as I stated previously doing my best to be vulnerable. Having said all that; I know as a disciple of Christ that these needs can and will be met through the help of the Holy Spirit and the unconditional love my Savior if I would only let Him take care of me :)

Have a blessed rest of your weekend and let's keep Seizing Hope together - Carpe Spero

Periculosus - To Be Vulnerable

My good friend Tina suggested I do some journaling...so this is me taking that advice to heart. I am about to be extremely vulnerable and I ask that you will please take care with what I am about to reveal and please know that these words are shared so that if you too have been hurt or struggle with emotional eating, abuse, loneliness, fear and I am sure the list could go on for some time as so much is based in fear. Many of you know that I have recently been challenged to lose 100#'s and I not only took this challenge seriously I have embarked on this journey with about 40 other folks. I can't help myself sometimes...I believe that if I am struggling with something there must be someone out there who is as well...it's my way of battling the enemy, Satan, who is constantly trying to get me believe I am all alone. This 100# Challenge was nothing short of one of the hugest leaps of faith for me but here I am in the 2nd week, down -8.8#'s and feeling hopeful and yet terrified all in the same breath. As an extrovert folks seems to have the impression that I simply love people, get along with everyone I meet and life is one BIG, Happy Party. The BIG secret is I am shaking in my boots and the bold confidence which you think you see is a mask, a shield if you will, to protect me. From what you ask? Possibly you or anyone else who will most likely hurt me. There I have said it...I live in FEAR! Some of it is unfortunately based on hard, cruel  facts but most, if I'm honest has unrealistically built up over many years. My weight has become the security blanket that is now literally and figuratively killing me.

Physically I suffer from diabetes and am currently insulin dependent. I have two underlying causes for my Chronic Liver disease, primary biliary cirrhosis and Non-Alcoholic Stetohepatitis. Diabetic Gastopareses-slow intestinal tract alongside of Hepatic Encephalopathy which effects my memory, causes fatigue and emulates early onset  dementia and if not kept stable can send me suddenly, with little to no warning into a coma.

Figuratively, I am afraid of others, especially men. I am unsure of who I can trust and therefor often feel lonely or heartbroken. At times I am ready to leave this earthly realm but I ask you not to panic at my honest words. I have no intention of harming myself, I am simply tired and in need of a little rest, tender love and care and as I stated previously doing my best to be vulnerable. Having said all that; I know as a disciple of Christ that these needs can and will be met through the help of the Holy Spirit and the unconditional love my Savior if I would only let Him take care of me :)

Have a blessed rest of your weekend and let's keep Seizing Hope together - Carpe Spero