luctantem-struggling

Wow! today the struggle is real. I will admit to not setting myself up for success but either way my time at the YMCA did not go well. I was sitting by the side of the pool, so excited to get in and swim some laps, do some water jogging and truly get a good workout in. Sliding into my swim cap, pulling on my water jogging shoes, placing my new fins and paddle board by the poolside and then I sat down on with my legs dangling in the water. At no point did I look up and now with no glasses on I begin squinting and searching for some stairs and there were none. Panic is setting in as I realize that I can't get into the water as there is no way for me to get out. I know many of you don't understand as overweight as I am it is quite a struggle to pull up my own body weight and even more so when I am wet and heavy. The only way to get out of this pool was to pull yourself up on the side or climb these little metal steps hanging on the side of the pool. So tears begin to form in my eyes as I realize there is no way for me to get into the water today. A sweet lifeguard now approaches me to ask if I am OK? No I am now mortified. I mumbled something to him about needing some stairs and he says there aren't any but if I want there is a lift for the handicapped. Thank you but no. So I manage to get back up from the pool side with tears still streaming down my face. This very nice woman asks me if I want to join this water class full of senior citizens and other overweight folks and I say no! Because I am so full of pride and completely devastated that I can't do what I am longing to do. I walked a few laps at the end of exercise pool but it simply wasn't the same. I then realized I forgot a towel...UGH! I trudge back to the locker room soaking wet with all my unused swim equipment and proceed to rip off my suit and try to get into my dry clothes...this was an awful experience. I did, thanks to my friend Myriam get in a mile on the elliptical but it simply could not lift me back up to a good mood. I have since drank a protein shake and now trying to figure out exactly what I am going to do since swimming at the YMCA is not possible. I know I will figure something out but right at this moment I am simply discouraged.