Tuesday, February 2, 2016
luctantem-struggling
Wow! today the struggle is real. I will admit to not setting myself up for success but either way my time at the YMCA did not go well. I was sitting by the side of the pool, so excited to get in and swim some laps, do some water jogging and truly get a good workout in. Sliding into my swim cap, pulling on my water jogging shoes, placing my new fins and paddle board by the poolside and then I sat down on with my legs dangling in the water. At no point did I look up and now with no glasses on I begin squinting and searching for some stairs and there were none. Panic is setting in as I realize that I can't get into the water as there is no way for me to get out. I know many of you don't understand as overweight as I am it is quite a struggle to pull up my own body weight and even more so when I am wet and heavy. The only way to get out of this pool was to pull yourself up on the side or climb these little metal steps hanging on the side of the pool. So tears begin to form in my eyes as I realize there is no way for me to get into the water today. A sweet lifeguard now approaches me to ask if I am OK? No I am now mortified. I mumbled something to him about needing some stairs and he says there aren't any but if I want there is a lift for the handicapped. Thank you but no. So I manage to get back up from the pool side with tears still streaming down my face. This very nice woman asks me if I want to join this water class full of senior citizens and other overweight folks and I say no! Because I am so full of pride and completely devastated that I can't do what I am longing to do. I walked a few laps at the end of exercise pool but it simply wasn't the same. I then realized I forgot a towel...UGH! I trudge back to the locker room soaking wet with all my unused swim equipment and proceed to rip off my suit and try to get into my dry clothes...this was an awful experience. I did, thanks to my friend Myriam get in a mile on the elliptical but it simply could not lift me back up to a good mood. I have since drank a protein shake and now trying to figure out exactly what I am going to do since swimming at the YMCA is not possible. I know I will figure something out but right at this moment I am simply discouraged.
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Dear friend, it's these moments that are soul wrenching. They have the capacity to get so far under our skin, that they become mini traumas, though they feel major. So it is easy to walk away feeling the utter failure. But let me take this opportunity to reassure you with words of affirmation. You had many successes during this trial. You stayed, despite your horror. You had the presence of mind to continue seeking an answer. You had the fortitude to try to make it work, and when that didn't succeed, you pressed on to another activity to make up for what you couldn't do at the pool. And finally, rather than letting it fester in your mind and heart, you allowed us to share in your vulnerability, and set the example of optimism. I am proud of you!
ReplyDeleteyou rock my friend...thank you so very much for the encouragement as it was much needed. I am making plans to find another gym with stairs in their pool and also the return for some classes with a friend on Thursday. God is Good even when we are struggling ;)
DeleteYou have a fantastic goal that you are actively working on. There are many paths to your end goal. You found some previously unknown to you barriers which interrupted your plan for that day but stayed focused on your objective. You felt afraid and embarrassed but did not succumb to the accuser's efforts to dissuade you. It is okay to feel fear. It is okay to feel embarrassed. It is okay to feel hurt. You did not quit. You did not stop. You relied on your successful survival skills...You are ENOUGH.
ReplyDeleteGod loved you before you were even born. Jesus loved you even when YOU were killing him...YOU ARE ENOUGH.
YOU ARE ENOUGH
YOU ARE ENOUGH
YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!
thx my dear friend...that means the world to me and I am trying to remember that I am ENOUGH! so thx 4 the reminder ;)
DeleteOh, Lori! I am sorry! I know you were looking forward to this so much! Stupid Y!!! How do they not have stairs?!?! Anyway, like what Tina and Issac said, you are strong and you are enough. This was a minor setback in your inevitable plan of success. You are one of the strongest, most determined, and most adventurous women I know! You look for the silver lining and, every single time, God used these challenges to refine you and inspire you. Also, you're a amazing inspiration to the (I'm sure) billions who you have impacted with your vulnerability and Jesus-like love.
ReplyDeleteAnd! Since you're such a spiritual force to be reckoned with, of course Satan is going to try to drag you down! (Stupid Satan...) He has no idea who he's messing with, not to mention the insane amount of spiritual back up you have!
I love you, Lori and I am giving you ALL the hugs right now!!!!!
Well Unknown I am truly feeling the love...thank you. Today I went searching and found a YMCA in Lakewood, not too far away with stairs in their pool so I will be starting there tomorrow. Not sure my influence is in the billions but I do strive and hope to share Gods Love and Give Him all the Glory so thank you for noticing and truly thx 4 the encouragement 😉💛
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