ut gratulor

ut gratulor-to give thanks
I Thessalonians 5:18 calls us to "Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ."
     I will need this year to truly look through God's eyes to see with a grateful heart. This year I continue to struggle with a myriad of health issues but each day I continue to wake up and take another breath and as many physical, emotional and mental steps as I can accomplish each and every day.  I strive to bring God glory in all that I do and some days I am better at this than others just as most of you are.  We have our good days and our not so good, our highs and our lows and ups and downs that is the ecclesiastical way of life.  A full life will benefit from many seasons and be filled with a great many experiences in this journey we call life.  I have been blessed with 42 years such as this. I have lived overseas, enjoyed many mission trips, currently enjoying the academic arena, been married and blessed with two wonderful sons (Kevin & Alex), had many career opportunities and shared the love of family and friends. 
     I have also suffered through such things as domestic violence, divorce, chronic illness and the loss of loved ones and unfulfilled dreams yet my Lord has seen fit through all these experiences to help me find silver linings in my clouds and given  me an uncanny ability to keep moving forward in faith and courage and for this I am most grateful.
     This year finds me in the bittersweet arena known as the empty nest. I say it is bittersweet because on one hand I miss my sons so much at times I think my heart must surely have stopped  while on the other hand I am so very proud of all that my sons are accomplishing.  Alex is pursuing Carpentry and the finishing up of his high school diploma in Curlew WA at Job Corps, he seems to be settling in well, making friends and growing into a mature young man. Kevin has survived Boot Camp & Combat Training in San Diego and is a week away from finishing up his military schooling in North Carolina.  Kevin has also blessed me with my first grandchild and although it has been through a tumultuous group of events that no mother desires for her son, David James is the most beautiful grandson ever!  The bittersweet in all this is that Alex at age 16 is far from home and Kevin is about to go to the other side of the World to Okinawa for a 2 year stint at his first Permanent Duty Station.  Yet I am still able to give thanks because they are healthy, happy and apparently very successful in their own rights...no longer needing me as they once did. I know I will always be their mother and thankfully someone they respect and honor however I too have to enter into a new season.
     I am diligently seeking out God's will and discernment, keeping up on all my doctors appointments. Considering working on a book for the chronically ill with a good friend of mine, continuing to co-facilitate my group Living Richly & Fully With Chronic Illness, contemplating becoming a dog owner, where I might move to and striving to finish my Masters Degree by next December. I have also been blessed with a new extended family...my Bravo Family (other family members of Kev's Boot Camp Battalion) we chat daily on our beloved private Face Book page, sharing our joys and tears, red wine and red shirts on Fridays, pictures and prose, prayers and trials...it is truly one of my brightest spots in this past year. I am blessed and honored to call them friends and family.
                              "O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever." Psalm 30:12
     I pray all my friends and family have time to reflect on all that they are thankful for this year and that we are all continually blessed throughout the coming year. I pray that somehow each of us are able to reflect the heart of Christ as we seek to bring him eternal Glory, forever and ever AMEN!

ad ambulandum-to walk

 

So walking today I saw a man performing Kata in the park, it was absolutely beautiful. Lately I have noticed that whenever I get up enough energy to walk I meet and see the neatest people. Young women running, folks walking their dogs, young men playing basketball, this neat guy who builds picnic tables in his yard, kids with their moms at the playground and then there was this lone man performing an ancient ritual known as Kata in the middle of all these beautiful trees today. It was so quiet and peaceful and I found myself desiring that peace. So I did some research because as you know I just love research...lol maybe this latest class is starting to have an impact on me.

The form Seiunchin (also written as Seiyunchin) is a very popular Goju kata due to its flowing moves and atheistic appearance.

. Whilst Goju is a Buddhist art emphasizing hard/soft as are other Okinawan karate styles, Hsing I is one of the three internal Taoist arts.

If it takes 10 years to master the hard /external then it will take a further 20 years to master the soft / internal

In post war practice the emphasis has predominately shifted to the hard and external. In an over simplistic analogy, hard is the development of body strength and isolated body techniques to attack the opponent i.e. leg to kick, arm to punch. Whilst the soft uses relaxation and the whole mind / body to merge with the energy of the opponent to receive, defend and attack with flowing counters.

The development of energy and vitality in Chinese is Chi Kung or 'Energy Work' in Japanese it is Kiko. Chi/Ki is the life energy that is inextricably linked with the breath, blood and circulation. Martial Ki is not just one thing but a unified synthesis of many parts. 

Three personal qualities are required to study the martial way:

Intention of the spirit
Concentration of the mind
Discipline of the body.

The five initial stages of developing Ju or Internal power require:

Centring,
Relaxed extension and contraction
Co-ordinated joint alignment
Whole body awareness
Breath control 

 Sodokan Goju Karate Association
© Mike Clark 1997-2005.

 I find this Intention of the spirit to be a universal need for anyone pursuing internal peace. And discipline whether we love it or not is required for success in almost all areas of life. Joint Alignment and an awareness of your body is good for everyones health and Breathing is of course essential and when controlled has been found to lower blood pressure and calm anxiety and is essential to life. So Buddhist principles aside I found Kata to be something worthy of pursuit and may have to find a class.  And all this research is a result of my afternoon walk - ad ambulandum
Thanks God for keeping my life interesting :)

sapientia-wisdom

I thought "Age should speak; advanced years should teach wisdom." But it is the spirit in a man, the breath of the Almighty, that gives him understanding. Job 32:7-8

So tonight I was invited into this exclusive club...lol it was a group of women who find themselves like me in the special and unique fortunes to now be called "Grandmother" or in Latin "Ovia."  I thank you Lord for these women and for this wonderful life experience which I honestly wasn't sure that I would get to participate in.  For a couple of hours I got to listen, share and pray with these wonderful women.  We all had the same desire...how can we create a legacy, how can we be godly grandmothers? We shared life experiences, laughed and gave each other advice and I was reminded that not only does God desire to be our guidance but he desires for us to lean on each other and look to one another for fellowship and a helping hand all according to our needs and abundance.  I read somewhere that our laughter can drown out the clock and if that's the case tonight was timeless and priceless. Tonight was a glimpse into the divine and I am eternally grateful for the experience.
 "Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life." Proverbs 16:31

Trepidationem

     Just in case your Latin is weak that is Excitement and now that the 1st of August is officially here my excitement level is truly on the rise.  I will be seeing Kevin in 30 days and I couldn't be happier or prouder.  In his last letter home he told us he shot excellent on the range which is so awesome, I always knew Kev would do well in the military but to get the best is more than a mother can hope for.  Alex is doing well but due to the fact that it took so long to get all his paperwork in and some other complications it looks like he will not be entering Job Corp until sometime in late September and even possibly as late as October. So we will now have to look at enrolling him into the local high school until his number comes up.  Since we moved we are not sure where exactly that will be and are hoping Lewis & Clark will just let him attend classes there until he goes in but we shall just have to wait and see.  In case you weren't in the know over this last week I have been in and out of the hospital way too many times and seemed to be suffering from a double kidney infection which truly kicked my behind but I am slowly recovering and feeling better every day!  One of the mixed blessing of being sick was that one of my newest friends in this Marine journey was inspired to stop by on her way through Spokane to visit and it was so nice to meet Stephanie and her whole family.  Her youngest son Michael gave me a hug almost immediately bringing tears to my eyes.  I feel truly blessed to be a part of this new larger family and am getting excited for our Meet & Greet planned for the Wednesday before the graduation. A night of tears, laughs and love, can't wait!
     I have officially written for a grant from an organization called the Marine Graduation Foundation.  They help family members who can't afford to get to graduation, making it possible, so that no Marine will be standing alone on such a momentous occasion.  Whenever possible in the future I will surely support this organization and others like it.  Angela and Ben are going to head up Kevin's return party for Friday the 31st and Alanna's baby shower is tomorrow night and I am actually filled with "trepidationem" even thinking about being a grandmother.
     I have also hit another amazing milestone...I have officially been under the 300 lb mark for more than a week and this is awesome!  I have been working so hard for this goal and my nutrition, blood sugar numbers and exercise have all been in line...if I could have danced a jig this last week on the scale I surely would have.  So God all I am asking is that we have a smooth ride for the next month so that I can do all that has been set out before me...Marine Bootcamp Graduation, finish planning a wedding and continue preparing Alex for Job Corp! I am claiming this verse for the month and I pray you too can find your rest and peace in the LORD..."Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him, for He shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders." Deut 33:12

Check In

So things are going well thus far with boot camp mentality...getting more rest, some good reading in, definately some more exercize and my nutrition has improved greatly.  I have lost about 15lbs thus far and am in general feeling better all around. We have had a few hiccups, Alexander came home from camp with a torn hamstring and is now currently in physcial therapy and may still have to have a possible surgery and I took a lovely little spill the other night on my daily walk with Angela and pretty badly sprained my ankle and left knee.  48 hrs out the ostrich size egg that balooned on my foot that first night is slowly dwindling but now I have a lovely combination of black, blue and purple to look at. I am hoping to be back in the YMCA pool by Monday morning with Sam and Sasha, we shall see what exactly I am able to accomplish but I will give it my best effort. Kevin has been writing relatively regularly, making some friends, suffered through bronchitis, dominating with pugil sticks and loves the high obstacle course which would make most of us pee our pants...lol :)

I have moved into the one and only bedroom here and Alex is temporarily in the living room until he leaves for Job Corp which might be held up a little with this injury but should be leaving by mid August, we will keep everyone informed.  I struggle with how quiet it is most days and especially at night with a door to shut out the world. Herathea mopes around missing Kevin and I try to face reality that pretty soon it will just be me, myself and I around here.  Not that I won't have God, my amazing friends and now my new family of other Marine Parents, fiance's and loved ones of those who have chosen to serve their country.  Honestly this last group has been the most amazing new addition. We email and face book each other daily, share and swap news and letters from all the boys @ MCRD San Diego, laugh and cry together and generally support each other in every way.  One of the Moms starts us off each morning with the most beautiful prayers and we are planning a meet and greet right before Marine Graduation on the 31st of August.  Although it's been difficult emotionally I am so excited to think that in 4 days we will be at exactly the half way point...44 days in with only 44 days left. I'm working on perfecting a play that I wrote back in my play writing class senior year at Gonzaga and we are hoping to do some fundraisers this summer for the donation account. Thanks to one of the sisters at church I now have a couple of face book pages for people who want to stay connected and informed about my journey, check out my profile and you will find them. With lots of time spent in the Word I am learning to feel safe in my shepherds arms..."LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;surely I have a delightful inheritance." Psalm 16:5-6. In case you don't know one of those pleasant places is going to be the realm of grandmotherhood.  Kevin will be a father and although I never thought I would live to see this day...August 28th little David James is due to make an appearance into this crazy world. Although the circumstances surrounding this were not planned and there has been some drama, for me it is a reason to believe in mixed blessings. God is miraculous and is taking care of Mother and Baby while Kevin is out trying to not only serve his country but provide for and make a decent living for his hopeful future family. I am so proud of my oldest son and his willingness to not only step up with maturity but to turn to God in his time of repentance and grace. We have such a loving Father and I am taking comfort in one of my favorite scriptures throughout this time..."For I know the plans I have for you declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer 29:11 Please be happy with me in this and know that we are getting excited as both graduation from Marine Boot Camp and the birth of David James are approaching quickly! Thank you for your love, support and encouragement every day and for caring about my journey. Remember to Carpe Spero (Seize Hope) every moment of every day!

Boot Camp

Romans 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (NIV)
OK so we know that a healthy goal is a good one and therefore I am going to step forward in faith tomorrow knowing that God will be by my side in this adventure...So if Kevin can endure some hardship and have some new lofty goals than so can I his mother.  Begining 2moro and until I reach my goal (maybe longer we shall just have to see) my alarm clock will awake me at the ungodly hour of O'dark thirty other wise known as 6 AM (UGH!) and I will do wall push ups, leg raises and a 20 minute mile, I have also recently  moved into the one and only bedroom within my tiny little abode and Alex is gone to camp so I will have no excuses this week not to get motivated and eat, exercise and arise and lie down at regular times.  This is the first day of many to come which shall represent my own dedication to a healthy lifestyle.  I have also pulled out my Boundaries book and Women, Food and God and plan on reading and taking notes and trying to apply some of the good principles from those hallowed pages as well as time in the Word.  Please feel free to join me, pray for me or just offer encouragement either online or in person.  If you would like to go for a walk, I would love to do that with you. let's set some time aside. I'm not exactly sure how this is going to go but it has been brought to my attention that I don't focus on myself enough so here goes my attempt to do so iin a healthy way. Because if I don't than I will never make it onto that transplant list and that just is not an option I am willing to give up. I heard it said somewhere that we can never know what heights we could soar to until we spread our wings, so here's to soaring with the eagles! 

Litterae or Poetry as Inspiration

So tonight in our Living Richly with Chronic Illness Group we of course had our normal check in time and then we ventured into poetry. I read some poems written by a child who suffered from Muscular Dystrophy and although they were simple there was such depth and perception which came across for such a young person.  Keeping it simple this child had the ability to speak even to adults about how to not only live with a pesky chronic illness but to keep his mind uplifted and enlightened even through the interminable side effects of disease. Then we  moved on to a well known poem written by William Ernest Henley in 1875, Invictus.  Upon doing a little research this week I realized that the author had struggled through his own life with chronic illness and even suffered the loss of his leg in his teenage years, yet somehow managed to live a full and complete life effecting others through his written words for years to come.  Invictus is oft quoted, used to inspire and give hope, spur one another along to victory in the face of insurmountable odds and offer up hope to our little group on Wednesday evenings.  I will end this post with the Poems words and hope that they bring you some hope, courage and motivation. 

INVICTUS

Out of the night that covers me

Black as the Pit from pole to pole

I thank whatever Gods may be

For my unconquerable soul

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced or cried aloud

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloodies but not unbowed

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the horror of the shade

And yet the menace of years

Finds, and shall find me unafraid

It matters not how strait the gate

How charged with punishments the scroll

I am the master of my fate

I am the captain of my soul

William Ernest Henley

Desire for Discussion

So recently I found this series on Netflix called Three Rivers.  I implore you to watch it so you can get a better understanding of the whole process that goes along with Transplants.  Of course it is a bit sensationalized for TV Drama sake but there are some really great topics addressed and some pretty tough subjects challenged.  So episode 7 really got me to thinking and I am hoping some of you will join in a discussion with me.  The character Jeff has ALS Lou Gherric's Disease and his quality of life has been severely hindered so he decides he wants to come off the ventilator  and donate all of his organs.  Should this be allowed, how ethical is it and who should be the judge of if this is right or wrong.  This was Jeff's choice and it made sense to him.  If death always wins, it's only a matter of when and how, quality of life is vastly important.  Some of us want to have the best death that we can possibly have and we want to be at peace.  Jeff's death would serve the greater good, 7 lives would be saved by his death.   There was another young man who needed a second heart transplant and although his parents wanted him to continue to fight he wanted to let nature take it's course.  He ended up getting a second transplant but his body immediately rejected the new heart and he died in surgery. Another young man named Kual from Africa keeps getting denied and then moves a step closer then two steps back and then back to square one and just like me he has no insurance.  His temperament is amazingly positive throughout but his story always makes me cry.  So I am asking you to share your thoughts and encourage you to watch the series and join in a dialogue with me about some of these deep theological issues.  Have a great week and see many of you on Wednesday!  

Ad Dolor or in English a Return to Pain

Before you get too worried though this is a good return to pain if there is such a thing.  Day one of returning to pain meant heading up to the YMCA with Kris and Kevin for an awesome but painful workout.  15 minutes on the elliptical and 5 minutes was all I could handle on the stair climber and then 20 minutes on the treadmill just mindlessly putting one foot in front of the other.  Quick break a Glucerna shake to moderate the blood sugars and then ten laps in the pool, ten minutes in the hot tub and five minutes in the sauna.  Wow! I am truly exhausted and just think we get to do it again tomorrow and the next day and the next and you get the point.  The second hospital stay in less than six months has most definitely given me a scare and a desire to kick it into high gear so hear we go again.  At least I didn't gain back all the weight but now I am back up over 300 pounds once again and fighting for my right to be eligible for the transplant list.  A friend recently gave me a scripture which has truly been inspiring me and I want to share it.  II Cor 4:8-10,16 " We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed, perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not destroyed.  We always carry around our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body...therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day." As a chronically ill person I am constantly reminded that my physical body is weak and wasting but that if I keep up the faith and have good courage my inward spirit can still soar like an eagle and I am so grateful for that.  We are all somehow hard pressed, perplexed, persecuted and can feel crushed by grief, loss and despair but if we choose not to ruminate in that too long but as quickly as possible find other avenues for our frustrations then we can live a healthy and full life, rich with faith and strength.  Good day to you all and hope to chat again soon...:)

first Official Update in 2012

So a friend recently sent me a list of questions and I thought my response would do just nicely for my first official update in the year 2012.  I hope it serves it's purpose well in keeping those who wish to remain informed up to date in this whole process and I pray today's post finds you all healthy and well...

Ok so here goes for trying to answer some more of your specific questions.  I have been to the nearest transplant center in Seattle Washington but have been told that I was not quite sick enough and that to even be considered I would have to lose a significant amount of weight to prove to a transplant board that I was a healthy, worthy candidate (kinda like an alcoholic being told to stop drinking)...Also because of the massive costs associated with a transplant minimum of $500 Thousand, not to mention the estimated $300 a month for the rest of my life for anti-rejection medication, the state who I currently have medical through as an indigent has very strict parameters for how a poor person goes about getting on the actual transplant list.  There is only one list and it is a national list presided over by an organization known as UNOS - you should consider going to their website and checking out the info for yourself...I am sorry if I mislead you in our conversations but there is something known as a living liver donation which is where a small part of a healthy person's liver is taken off and then transplanted into the patient with the unhealthy liver.  It is truly amazing but is not covered under state medical and isn't currently done in the state of Washington.  There are only five transplant hospitals in the US currently doing them and I believe Oregon and California are the closest to us here in Washington.  Regarding my actual diagnosis and understanding of it, the type of cirrhosis which I have is NAFDL which is 3/4 of the way to a completely de-compensated liver verses a well compensated one.  A healthy person progresses from well compensated, to fatty liver to NASH (Non-Alcoholic Stetto Hepatitis) to NAFDL and finally to end stage de-compensated liver disease (death or transplant) I am in this third stage and to my understanding there is no recovery only progression but I can be at this stage for some time and then it usually progresses rather rapidly into final stage giving one 6-9 months to live if the patient does not receive a transplant. 

I am not entirely opposed to moving but am trying not to put my God into a box and have some faith that he can heal me and help me to get a transplant right here because he is that miraculous and amazing.  Once you are placed onto the transplant list it is all about regions and your ability to get to the nearest transplant center in enough time to make the transplanted liver viable and healthy.  That is why I would currently be listed at the Seattle transplant center because there is a small window of opportunity once a liver becomes available.  You can't necessarily buy your way onto the transplant list but if you can pay for the surgery and all of the required medications afterwards, this is taken into account (and this I cannot do, obviously), then there are things like blood type, size, age, stage of failure your liver is in and even mental health is taken into account etc...all this is taken into account when being considered for whether you will be put on the list or not, so currently I am not on the list.  I have lost 37 lbs since beginning this journey but I was told at least 80 or more would be best so I am continually working towards that.  As you can guess this is difficult due to fatigue, the onset of Diabetes, osteoarthritis, and all the other daily symptoms I am experiencing but I continue to attempt weight loss. 

I am always open to discussion regarding this entire process and to the Will of God. I do once again thank you for your heartfelt inquiry and look forward to other conversations with you in the future...in the meantime I continue to try to bring God Glory in all I do and say...that is my little part I can play in the larger picture...thx and God Bless

 

"Those who succeed are unwilling to quit.

They want it more than those who don't."

Adam Bornstein

                     Lori L

Affectus Intelligence-Emotional Intelligence

More thoughts from my Psychology in Leadership class...According to the general populace of those in the realm of psychology the premise of emotional intelligence or EQ is one’s ability to distinguish, manage and assess emotions. The key point of this paper was for me to describe my understanding of EQ, as well as how it applied to my life personally.

                When I was younger I felt that emotions were pretty much useless and did little to help me in my life, so recognizing them in myself or others was a waste of time.  This as you can imagine had an impact on the types of jobs or careers which I chose to pursue.  I believe I was blessed with what my mother liked to call “people skills” and just like my father, I could sell ice to an Eskimo.  As for working in or on a team I was rarely comfortable unless I was leading it. So the hospitality industry allowed me to serve others and employ my entrepreneurial skills often.  I opened and managed several small businesses as well as working for some of the larger corporations like the Marriott or Cracker Barrel.  The banking industry was a fun little side trip into the sales industry which was unexpected but not entirely unpleasant.  I found that the workaholic side of me could easily drown in the corporate rat race and for my moral sanity chose not to stay engaged in the corporate world for too long.  The constant changing atmosphere of the hospitality industry allowed me to help others without getting too emotionally invested in my clients or myself.  Pleasantries and social graces were all that was really required along with a modicum of etiquette.  Life, fate and/or God however have a way of pushing us outside of our comfort zones and upon reaching Washington I realized that I would no longer be able to pursue a career in Hospitality.  A severely broken right hand with massive nerve damage, my new single parent status and shortly after a diagnosis of chronic liver disease forced me to rethink my career path.  My value had always been in my physical service to others or so I thought.  Many friends close to me encouraged me to pursue avenues in counseling or teaching but I honestly did not feel equipped emotionally to handle such careers.  My life experiences should have made me empathetic; instead they had made me hard and unforgiving.  I had no patience for what I viewed as whining or cowering and the idea that one should open themselves or others up to a cesspool of emotions was unthinkable. A complete waste of time.  However the more my body began to fail the more I began to have time to write and think about things which I had never before even recognized as useful. I began to write in a journal, read philosophical books, wrestle with God and even allow myself to be angry at the injustice of not only my life but others.  I am not professing to be all knowledgeable in these topics but amendable to the idea that emotions can be healthy and helpful in my own life and others.  This for me is a practical definition of beginning to understand the importance of EQ.

                Another key in EQ is one’s ability to assess emotional intelligence not only in yourself but those around you.  When you are in constant denial of the importance of emotions to begin with it is hard not to take everything another says to you in a personal fashion.  Let me try to explain.  Previously when I would receive criticism, constructive or otherwise I would automatically put up defensive walls and thus was unable to learn from the experience.  I just knew that the only reason the person was criticizing me was that they were either jealous of my talent, or that for some strange reason I wasn’t good enough.  Extreme thinking was all I knew.  There was never any middle ground.  You were either for me or against me and I had little to no time for those who I deemed were against me.  I would eliminate you from my life if possible and if not than I would quit and run away to another job or person better suited to me.  It was easier in my selfish opinion to scrap an entire project than to war with some overly emotional co-worker or boss.  I like to think I have grown in this area due to learning things like assertive communication and healthy boundaries.  I have left behind much of my all or nothing attitude in favor of healthy group dynamics and honest transparent communication.  I also have learned that being vulnerable is not a curse.  True one can be hurt but the end results are worth every effort I am willing to put into a project or friendship.  Through my new found abilities of transparency and vulnerability I have found I could now be more empathetic and open to constructive criticism.  The world is no longer out to drown me in chaotic emotions of negativity, rather I have found the opposite to be true.  Through storms I have learned to trust, maintain an open outlook and see through to the other side.   When someone has something critical to say or offer I realize now that it probably has little to do with me and more to do with their own personal hang-ups.  When someone comes into a meeting with me ready to do battle I realize that they are probably more upset about the traffic jam they recently had to endure or the argument they got into with their significant other that morning or even something as simple as they don’t like the color of red I am wearing.  Just knowing this allows for me to react better and to be more compassionate in my dealings with co-workers and friends.  Emotional Assessments allow me to be sensitive and intelligent in the workplace and in my personal life.

                I have already professed to being a journal writer and well rounded reader both of which equip me in the healthy processing of emotions.  I think it is also important to recognize the importance of my faith when looking at my new found maturity in handling emotions.  My faith allows me to not have to be in control at all times and to learn to trust not only God but his ability to work through others for the betterment of all.  Faith also helps me to just let go sometimes. To not have all the answers and to be OK with the idea that life is full of paradoxes and the unknown.  Emotional Intelligence requires us to not only be open to the concepts and multi-faceted ranges of emotions but to assess them in ourselves and others alongside of learning to manage our emotions.  Seeking outside counseling can be one way of doing this and one avenue I have chosen to pursue.  This has greatly helped me to process my past, present and future in a more healthy way.  It has also allowed me to share and teach others what works in my life.  So now instead of telling people to stop whining and sniveling, I share and teach them core principles and concepts which have proven to be successful not only in my life but many others.  I believe this to be the best example of emotional intelligence in my life.  My willingness to recognize the importance of emotions coupled with a new found eagerness to share this knowledge with others. Thanks God for continually working with me to make me better a disciple.