More thoughts from my Psychology in Leadership class...According to the general populace of those in the realm of
psychology the premise of emotional intelligence or EQ is one’s ability to
distinguish, manage and assess emotions. The key point of this paper was for me to
describe my understanding of EQ, as well as how
it applied to my life personally.
When I
was younger I felt that emotions were pretty much useless and did little to
help me in my life, so recognizing them in myself or others was a waste of
time. This as you can imagine had an
impact on the types of jobs or careers which I chose to pursue. I believe I was blessed with what my mother
liked to call “people skills” and just like my father, I could sell ice to an
Eskimo. As for working in or on a team I
was rarely comfortable unless I was leading it. So the hospitality industry
allowed me to serve others and employ my entrepreneurial skills often. I opened and managed several small businesses
as well as working for some of the larger corporations like the Marriott or
Cracker Barrel. The banking industry was
a fun little side trip into the sales industry which was unexpected but not
entirely unpleasant. I found that
the workaholic side of me could easily drown in the corporate rat race and for
my moral sanity chose not to stay engaged in the corporate world for too
long. The constant changing atmosphere
of the hospitality industry allowed me to help others without getting too
emotionally invested in my clients or myself.
Pleasantries and social graces were all that was really required along
with a modicum of etiquette. Life, fate
and/or God however have a way of pushing us outside of our comfort zones and
upon reaching Washington I realized that I would no longer be able to pursue a
career in Hospitality. A severely
broken right hand with massive nerve damage, my new single parent status and shortly
after a diagnosis of chronic liver disease forced me to rethink my career
path. My value had always been in my
physical service to others or so I thought.
Many friends close to me encouraged me to pursue avenues in counseling
or teaching but I honestly did not feel equipped emotionally to handle such
careers. My life experiences should have
made me empathetic; instead they had made me hard and unforgiving. I had no patience for what I viewed as
whining or cowering and the idea that one should open themselves or others up
to a cesspool of emotions was unthinkable. A complete waste of time. However the
more my body began to fail the more I began to have time to write and think
about things which I had never before even recognized as useful. I began
to write in a journal, read philosophical books, wrestle with God and even
allow myself to be angry at the injustice of not only my life but others. I am not professing to be all knowledgeable
in these topics but amendable to the idea that emotions can be healthy and
helpful in my own life and others. This
for me is a practical definition of beginning to understand the importance of
EQ.
Another
key in EQ is one’s ability to assess emotional intelligence not only in
yourself but those around you. When you
are in constant denial of the importance of emotions to begin with it is hard
not to take everything another says to you in a personal fashion. Let me try to explain. Previously when I would receive criticism,
constructive or otherwise I would automatically put up defensive walls and thus
was unable to learn from the experience.
I just knew that the only reason the person was criticizing me was that
they were either jealous of my talent, or that for some strange reason I wasn’t
good enough. Extreme thinking was all I
knew. There was never any middle
ground. You were either for me or against
me and I had little to no time for those who I deemed were against me. I would eliminate you from my life if
possible and if not than I would quit and run away to another job or person
better suited to me. It was easier in my
selfish opinion to scrap an entire project than to war with some overly
emotional co-worker or boss. I like to
think I have grown in this area due to learning things like assertive communication
and healthy boundaries. I have left
behind much of my all or nothing attitude in favor of healthy group dynamics
and honest transparent communication. I
also have learned that being vulnerable is not a curse. True one can be hurt but the end results are
worth every effort I am willing to put into a project or friendship. Through my new found abilities of transparency
and vulnerability I have found I could now be more empathetic and open to constructive
criticism. The world is no longer out to
drown me in chaotic emotions of negativity, rather I have found the opposite to
be true. Through storms I have learned
to trust, maintain an open outlook and see through to the other side. When
someone has something critical to say or offer I realize now that it probably
has little to do with me and more to do with their own personal hang-ups. When someone comes into a meeting with me
ready to do battle I realize that they are probably more upset about the
traffic jam they recently had to endure or the argument they got into with
their significant other that morning or even something as simple as they don’t
like the color of red I am wearing. Just
knowing this allows for me to react better and to be more compassionate in my
dealings with co-workers and friends.
Emotional Assessments allow me to be sensitive and intelligent in the
workplace and in my personal life.
I
have already professed to being a journal writer and well rounded reader both
of which equip me in the healthy processing of emotions. I think it is also important to recognize the
importance of my faith when looking at my new found maturity in handling
emotions. My faith allows me to not have
to be in control at all times and to learn to trust not only God but his
ability to work through others for the betterment of all. Faith also helps me to just let go sometimes.
To not have all the answers and to be OK with the idea that life is full of
paradoxes and the unknown. Emotional
Intelligence requires us to not only be open to the concepts and multi-faceted
ranges of emotions but to assess them in ourselves and others alongside of
learning to manage our emotions. Seeking
outside counseling can be one way of doing this and one avenue I have chosen to
pursue. This has greatly helped me to
process my past, present and future in a more healthy way. It has also allowed me to share and teach
others what works in my life. So now
instead of telling people to stop whining and sniveling, I share and teach them
core principles and concepts which have proven to be successful not only in my
life but many others. I believe this to
be the best example of emotional intelligence in my life. My willingness to recognize the importance of
emotions coupled with a new found eagerness to share this knowledge with others. Thanks God for continually working with me to make me better a disciple.
No comments:
Post a Comment