Thursday, January 5, 2012

Affectus Intelligence-Emotional Intelligence


More thoughts from my Psychology in Leadership class...According to the general populace of those in the realm of psychology the premise of emotional intelligence or EQ is one’s ability to distinguish, manage and assess emotions. The key point of this paper was for me to describe my understanding of EQ, as well as how it applied to my life personally.
                When I was younger I felt that emotions were pretty much useless and did little to help me in my life, so recognizing them in myself or others was a waste of time.  This as you can imagine had an impact on the types of jobs or careers which I chose to pursue.  I believe I was blessed with what my mother liked to call “people skills” and just like my father, I could sell ice to an Eskimo.  As for working in or on a team I was rarely comfortable unless I was leading it. So the hospitality industry allowed me to serve others and employ my entrepreneurial skills often.  I opened and managed several small businesses as well as working for some of the larger corporations like the Marriott or Cracker Barrel.  The banking industry was a fun little side trip into the sales industry which was unexpected but not entirely unpleasant.  I found that the workaholic side of me could easily drown in the corporate rat race and for my moral sanity chose not to stay engaged in the corporate world for too long.  The constant changing atmosphere of the hospitality industry allowed me to help others without getting too emotionally invested in my clients or myself.  Pleasantries and social graces were all that was really required along with a modicum of etiquette.  Life, fate and/or God however have a way of pushing us outside of our comfort zones and upon reaching Washington I realized that I would no longer be able to pursue a career in Hospitality.  A severely broken right hand with massive nerve damage, my new single parent status and shortly after a diagnosis of chronic liver disease forced me to rethink my career path.  My value had always been in my physical service to others or so I thought.  Many friends close to me encouraged me to pursue avenues in counseling or teaching but I honestly did not feel equipped emotionally to handle such careers.  My life experiences should have made me empathetic; instead they had made me hard and unforgiving.  I had no patience for what I viewed as whining or cowering and the idea that one should open themselves or others up to a cesspool of emotions was unthinkable. A complete waste of time.  However the more my body began to fail the more I began to have time to write and think about things which I had never before even recognized as useful. I began to write in a journal, read philosophical books, wrestle with God and even allow myself to be angry at the injustice of not only my life but others.  I am not professing to be all knowledgeable in these topics but amendable to the idea that emotions can be healthy and helpful in my own life and others.  This for me is a practical definition of beginning to understand the importance of EQ.

                Another key in EQ is one’s ability to assess emotional intelligence not only in yourself but those around you.  When you are in constant denial of the importance of emotions to begin with it is hard not to take everything another says to you in a personal fashion.  Let me try to explain.  Previously when I would receive criticism, constructive or otherwise I would automatically put up defensive walls and thus was unable to learn from the experience.  I just knew that the only reason the person was criticizing me was that they were either jealous of my talent, or that for some strange reason I wasn’t good enough.  Extreme thinking was all I knew.  There was never any middle ground.  You were either for me or against me and I had little to no time for those who I deemed were against me.  I would eliminate you from my life if possible and if not than I would quit and run away to another job or person better suited to me.  It was easier in my selfish opinion to scrap an entire project than to war with some overly emotional co-worker or boss.  I like to think I have grown in this area due to learning things like assertive communication and healthy boundaries.  I have left behind much of my all or nothing attitude in favor of healthy group dynamics and honest transparent communication.  I also have learned that being vulnerable is not a curse.  True one can be hurt but the end results are worth every effort I am willing to put into a project or friendship.  Through my new found abilities of transparency and vulnerability I have found I could now be more empathetic and open to constructive criticism.  The world is no longer out to drown me in chaotic emotions of negativity, rather I have found the opposite to be true.  Through storms I have learned to trust, maintain an open outlook and see through to the other side.   When someone has something critical to say or offer I realize now that it probably has little to do with me and more to do with their own personal hang-ups.  When someone comes into a meeting with me ready to do battle I realize that they are probably more upset about the traffic jam they recently had to endure or the argument they got into with their significant other that morning or even something as simple as they don’t like the color of red I am wearing.  Just knowing this allows for me to react better and to be more compassionate in my dealings with co-workers and friends.  Emotional Assessments allow me to be sensitive and intelligent in the workplace and in my personal life.
                I have already professed to being a journal writer and well rounded reader both of which equip me in the healthy processing of emotions.  I think it is also important to recognize the importance of my faith when looking at my new found maturity in handling emotions.  My faith allows me to not have to be in control at all times and to learn to trust not only God but his ability to work through others for the betterment of all.  Faith also helps me to just let go sometimes. To not have all the answers and to be OK with the idea that life is full of paradoxes and the unknown.  Emotional Intelligence requires us to not only be open to the concepts and multi-faceted ranges of emotions but to assess them in ourselves and others alongside of learning to manage our emotions.  Seeking outside counseling can be one way of doing this and one avenue I have chosen to pursue.  This has greatly helped me to process my past, present and future in a more healthy way.  It has also allowed me to share and teach others what works in my life.  So now instead of telling people to stop whining and sniveling, I share and teach them core principles and concepts which have proven to be successful not only in my life but many others.  I believe this to be the best example of emotional intelligence in my life.  My willingness to recognize the importance of emotions coupled with a new found eagerness to share this knowledge with others. Thanks God for continually working with me to make me better a disciple.

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