Friday, April 6, 2018

Adfecerunt Animos ~ Mixed Emotions

So today is an extremely weird day. I have bittersweet emotions coursing through my veins and I can’t seem to settle my mind and heart down...sigh πŸ™ƒπŸ˜• 

Today’s verse of the day in YouVision is Proverbs 3:5-6. 
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.

And I want to grasp on but my heart is still unsettled...ok submit Lori, not your will but His will. Why is this so difficult for me. I can answer that simply from a worldly perspective. Authority figures in this world have for the most part not been worthy of my trust or submission. But in my relationship with Christ that is not the case...so why does my worldly fear even after a decade continue to seep through and sabotage my desire for contentment? I want to lean into the everlasting arms of my Father but instead I stumble forward grasping at worldly success, even going so far as to seek approval, guidance, encouragement from all the wrong sources. This is so frustrating and humbling because I feel as if I should be so much ahead or beyond this type of temptation. At the very least my maturity and life experience should have me moving in leaps and bounds, faithfully moving in sync with my Lord. Once again I am reminded I am not perfect 🀯 I am so grateful for the promises God gives me, so that even when I struggle on days like today, I can rest assured that He loves me unconditionally. I grasp onto scriptures like the one in Matthew 5:11-12 where Jesus promises me that He has a reward for me in Heaven because I have endured hard times here on earth. This renews my strength and gives me hope! πŸ˜‡πŸ’ž

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